Sitting In The Dark

As I sit here in the dark, i cant help but to think. I woke up today happier then I have been in a long time, but as the hours tick by, alone here in the dark, I cant seem to escape the things that plague my mind. I dont feel like I fit today, and here is a comment that you might not understand, but I don't fit my skin today. Its a problem that I face all the time, and sometimes I deal with better then others. Today is a bad day however. I can't seem to stop crying. For the first time I have so much to be happy about. There are people in my life that care for me, a family that said they love me, and a couple special women who I think I could love and make happy. So why the tears? Why can't I find solstice in the happiness that pervades my life? I wish I could go relive those five minuets after I woke up where the world was a glow, there was nothing wrong, and I woke up with a smile for the first time in a year.

I just keep telling myself that it will be alright, that one day this will have gone away. I don't know if I'm just lying to myself, saying what I need to hear to pull through another day, or if I actually believe it. I know I would like to believe it. But there is a part of myself that refuses, the side of myself that doesn't accept that good things happen to me.

I need these nights to end. I need this darkness to fade away. I need the light to retake this soul, and mend these troubles.

But until that happens, Here I sit, alone in my bathroom, the water running, and my song book at hand, an unlit smoke hanging from my lip. I sit and bask in the dull lights glow, absorbing the heat and the humidity. Its all I know that helps my mind, so Ill do it until I cant. There is nothing more I can do, except to try my best.

Oh i wish the sun would rise

Mood: Tearful