Be Warned, and I realize that I should have put this at the top of like every post, but, read at own risk, there may be things of any kind of nature that may offend you in some way, and if you don't want to know something about me, stop reading now. I am a stuipdily open person, with out much in the way of space bubbles or limits so I'll just drop info down and sometimes not realize that some people may have never wanted to know it, so... With that warning gracing the header of this entry, time for fun stuff.
So, my breast started showing up this week. Woke up the other morning and my nipples were all like 'HI! Nice to meet you!' and there starting to swell up a bit, and hurt like hell!!! OMFG! So for the first day, all I could do was not touch them. the second day, it was all I could do was try and not touch them, and by day three, it was done, I had to try them out. I love boobs. Yup!
But it does make me happy that I get to wear my breast form over top of them for padding, don't know If I could work without them now, with how much just simply touching them hurts.
In other news that Is almost as big and important, but slightly less so because its not about my breast, is that After a day of cleaning and sorting, and moving, and rearranging, I have managed to not only spend time in my bed room, but I even slept in it last night. Granted, sleeping in it took a good amount of herbal reamdies and a good sleeping pill, and even then had a very difficult night about it, I still did it. I am taking control of my life, one step at a time. I just wish that going into the room didn't hurt me so much. I hadn't realized just how much the night Daniel attempted suicide had affected my life, and in what ways. I mean, yes, i did realize that It was a very large occasion in both our lives, so of course it stands to reason that it would cause some emotional stuff to come up in my life, i just didn't see this one coming. I enter his room, and I feel like an intruder. I can suddenly understand why it is that parents can't change the bedroom of a child who has moved out, or a wife who's husband has died and still keeps all of his stuff on the shelfs where they always were. I'm in the same boat, but under such mindbogglingly different circumstances, and I'm not sure how I should feel about the whole thing. I mean, its my stuff right, but... Its not anymore, some days it really does feel like Daniel was a different person, and somedays I feel like he's still inside of me but I'm still Charlotte, its really weird to explain, probably because I only vaguely get it myself. But there it is. I kind of just need to throw all of it out, get new bed sheets, and things for the walls, and new dressers, and pillows and and and! But will it ever be my room? or will it just feel like I'm still intruding in his space? And I've been having the same problem with the bathroom too, who long time readers should know, is my room, or at least was Daniel's room. Since everything happened, I have been doing less and less in that room too, and have been living in the one room of the house that Daniel never really spent any time in, the living room. That has turned into a Charlotte room, which is strange, because I don't like it one bit. I need to take back my life, thats all there is too it. And this was the first step. And it wans't small either, hell, sitting hundreds of klicks away and thinking about it is still giving me and anxiety attack, *sigh* oh well, one day at a time right? Tommorow will be better, and so will the next one. Things get better, or at least, thats what I keep telling myself, and I think inside, I do believe it.
So, my breast started showing up this week. Woke up the other morning and my nipples were all like 'HI! Nice to meet you!' and there starting to swell up a bit, and hurt like hell!!! OMFG! So for the first day, all I could do was not touch them. the second day, it was all I could do was try and not touch them, and by day three, it was done, I had to try them out. I love boobs. Yup!
But it does make me happy that I get to wear my breast form over top of them for padding, don't know If I could work without them now, with how much just simply touching them hurts.In other news that Is almost as big and important, but slightly less so because its not about my breast, is that After a day of cleaning and sorting, and moving, and rearranging, I have managed to not only spend time in my bed room, but I even slept in it last night. Granted, sleeping in it took a good amount of herbal reamdies and a good sleeping pill, and even then had a very difficult night about it, I still did it. I am taking control of my life, one step at a time. I just wish that going into the room didn't hurt me so much. I hadn't realized just how much the night Daniel attempted suicide had affected my life, and in what ways. I mean, yes, i did realize that It was a very large occasion in both our lives, so of course it stands to reason that it would cause some emotional stuff to come up in my life, i just didn't see this one coming. I enter his room, and I feel like an intruder. I can suddenly understand why it is that parents can't change the bedroom of a child who has moved out, or a wife who's husband has died and still keeps all of his stuff on the shelfs where they always were. I'm in the same boat, but under such mindbogglingly different circumstances, and I'm not sure how I should feel about the whole thing. I mean, its my stuff right, but... Its not anymore, some days it really does feel like Daniel was a different person, and somedays I feel like he's still inside of me but I'm still Charlotte, its really weird to explain, probably because I only vaguely get it myself. But there it is. I kind of just need to throw all of it out, get new bed sheets, and things for the walls, and new dressers, and pillows and and and! But will it ever be my room? or will it just feel like I'm still intruding in his space? And I've been having the same problem with the bathroom too, who long time readers should know, is my room, or at least was Daniel's room. Since everything happened, I have been doing less and less in that room too, and have been living in the one room of the house that Daniel never really spent any time in, the living room. That has turned into a Charlotte room, which is strange, because I don't like it one bit. I need to take back my life, thats all there is too it. And this was the first step. And it wans't small either, hell, sitting hundreds of klicks away and thinking about it is still giving me and anxiety attack, *sigh* oh well, one day at a time right? Tommorow will be better, and so will the next one. Things get better, or at least, thats what I keep telling myself, and I think inside, I do believe it.
- Mood:
Emotional - Listening to: Nirvana
- Reading: This
- Watching: The Sun Rise!!!! OMG I missed this
- Playing: with my hair
- Drinking: water and coffee
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