Confidence

So I meet half of my Family on Sunday. I'm scared and stressed about it all. And I know that everyone keeps telling me its going to be just fine, and it probably will, but this is kind of one of those things that you do stress about anyways.

And its really getting to me. I haven't left my house in a couple days for the most part. I feel captive in these walls again. I hate it when it gets this bad, so I have to do something about it. And as much as I want to phone up any of my friends and say I need some time out of the house around people, I think maybe this is something I should do myself. I can't always turn to my friends to help me get through my problems. And I know that I don't do it much anyways, I do deal with a lot of my own problems in my own, very Charlotte, way.

Its Friday afternoon, and the only place I can think of to go and just be around people is the mall. Which has me in knots right now too. See, I have spend my last like, 6 Non-Denominational Capitalist, Wintertime Gift-giving Seasons in malls. I don't really like Christmas, it doesn't have much for happy memories attached to it, but everyone always makes it out to be like the best thing on earth. I guess I just don't get it, and that's probably my loss. So, the thought of going to a mall right now has me at odds with myself. I love malls, I do, first to admit it. Just not at Christmas, every foot of it is throwing Christmas in your face, and its all just there to make you spend even more money that most of us don't really have, and is a temporary escape from our woes at best. They say money can't buy happiness. And there is few things more true then this, but money can sure go a long way in helping a person attain happiness. I just find that most people forget that one doesn't equal the other, and when they have it, they really lose the concept somewhere. It saddens me. And that's what malls do to me this time of year. So I'm a little at a loss of if I should go or not. I'm already kind of down, how much worse could I really make it?

Then there is that other problem of I love to shop, but right now I have no money, so why am I going to go somewhere were really one of the few things there is to do, IS SPEND MONEY? Sigh, I don't know what to do. Maybe I should just phone someone up and go to a movie or something. I need out of the house one way or another, I really don't have much choice, its something I need to do, I need to get some of my confidence back, like, right now.

• Mood: Artistic
• Listening to: Dropkick Murphys
• Drinking: Tea